I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
