apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My breasts were aching with rage.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
