Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
