Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you would pick up someone in the library
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need to sanitize my soul.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
