Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
