I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
