No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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