i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
