gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
