I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
