but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
