I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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