she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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