So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
