i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
