Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Can I color on your dick again?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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