birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like a drive thru vagina
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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