Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
