and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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