How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
