I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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