it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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