I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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