stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
