If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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