just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
