i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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