Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
