he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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