I accidentally burped into my bong.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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