I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
