My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
