I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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