I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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