I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I lost the right to judge tonight
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
