She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I'm having to shit out rocks
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
