Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
