If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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