You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
