Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
