The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
