So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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