She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
