if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
