who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
