I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
