Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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