I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
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