I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
