Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me

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(201): View more from New Jersey

i only shaved half my leg

(201): View more from New Jersey

on purpose

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(815): View more from Illinois

should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?

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(360): View more from Washington

You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.

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(630): View more from Illinois

What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.

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(801): View more from Utah

Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Happy you have kids and I don't day!

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(765): View more from Indiana

If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement

(1-765): View more from Indiana

Yes, an arrangement called marriage

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