Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
