Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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