I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
