I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
can u get pink eye on your cock?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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