You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
