If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
