I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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